Day 1

Welcome to 2010

It's the first day of a new year.I'm a man on a mission...To expose the TRUTH!....I find that of no fault of your own, (or my own) we have sandstorms in our mind that bury truths about ourselves that we might not want to accept. Moreover, the truths that don't get completely covered by the sand, we make excuses for...either "declaring" that we'll fix it and becoming the expert procrastinator, or finding a reason or excuse as to why it's acceptable. Let’s use me as an example; I'm a 19 year old who on appearance is healthy, happy, in good shape, and hasn't a worry in the world. Upon further inspection, if my attitude doesn't fool you, my intellect will...whereas I'm often mislabeled or misjudged for always having "the answer" and always being "happy"...Hey, if this satisfies you, it satisfies me :)

However I'm not healthy as I could be, far from happy most days, in awful shape, and rotate my worries nightly so as not to dwell on one so much so that I become circumstantially depressed.

I have isolated my sandstorm and am now working on uncovering the sand dunes!! The question most of you might (or should) be asking is how can such a misconception exist? As a matter of fact, a common question I receive is how I manage to project such an image...and for so long? Honestly I don't know...generally the answer I give is that it's taken many years of practice, conditioning, and yet I'm still mastering it. But another big part of this is being truthful with myself. I know who I am, what I am and am not feeling, how I look under my clothes, and most importantly if I'm comfortable with that. Whatever I project is completely a matter of fun house mirrors to you all...I like that...welcome to my "fun house"!

 Being a student of the human mind, it comes almost as second nature to me to analyze, diagnose, and "fix" others...To understand and manipulate the mind of others wouldn't be such an amazing, (or possible) feat had I not a certain level of understanding of my own mind, and a certain ability to manipulate, (or select who I allow to manipulate) my own mind. I'm certain by now I've lost many, and for those of you who have held on I thank you this ramble will be over soon...One day I sat in on a therapy session with a licensed therapist and she said to me, "well, what do you want to talk about?" I answered her basically by telling her I just wanted to talk, I proceeded to tell her everything that was wrong with me and how I was going to fix it. She sat amazed and declared that I am one of the most self aware people she's met and she really doesn't understand the purpose of my visit....I smiled and went on my way :)

...This blog will not only serve as a web based "vent" for my idle thoughts, tidbits of insight, and frustrations of the day...but also as the declaration of my new year’s goals and a way to keep the public updated on my progress :). With 2010, I intend on giving up fast food, any and all alcoholic beverages and getting (and staying) on a steady workout routine. I'm going to leave you with a personal quote...Wish me luck my people...and hit me back! Happy New Year!

"When you finally realize that roughly 99% of the people you'll come into contact with has some insecurity, some secret, regret, or otherwise humanizing factor...you realize how vulnerable even the "hardest" of people are and THAT is powerful!"