Ramadan Day 30!!: Eid Mubarak

Well...Eid Mubarak to all the muslim's who struggled through the sacred month of Ramadan. 30 grueling days of fasting till sunset, raising early to eat and pray, keeping God in mind throughout the day and distancing yourself from the impurities of this world on some level or another. I have to say that though I am far from perfect, and have been far from perfect in my fasting, I'm VERY proud of myself and having completed Ramadan this year. This is the first Ramadan I've completed since 2006...that's a whole 5 years ago! This day comes with a breath of fresh air for many, while leaving a bitter sweet after taste. Ramadan proves to "pay out" what you "put into it" and therefor can be (has been for me) quite rewarding physically, mentally/emotionally and most importantly spiritually. With the end of Ramadan many will go back to the same dead end, physically gratifying train's of thought they did before they started it. They will not sympathize with those less fortunate, they will indulge in the physical pleasures of the world, they will swear and be violent, and most sadly of all they will forget about the living breathing God Consciousness they have been feeding these last 30 days.

Although I'm excited for this Eid celebration, (the celebration Muslim's observe for the end of Ramadan) Ramadan has reminded me to focus on the important things; things that I will bring into practice on a grander scale throughout my daily life the other 11 months of the year. Things like realizing that there are people less fortunate than you; Like food is and should be valued not eaten or discarded at luxury; Like DISCIPLINE and RESTRAINT! Finally, this Ramadan has encouraged me to continue to learn, seek, and grow spiritually as well as mentally/emotionally and physically. I want to take this time out to show my undying gratitude to those people who supported me and respected me the last 30 days as well as those who doubted me, for they fueled in me even MORE a desire to reach the finish line. I am blessed to have participated and to have made it though; to have documented and shared with all of you; and to have walked away from this experience with something more than I came into it with! Peace and blessings to you all!

Ramadan Day 25!! : Obligation or Sincerity?

So Day 25 of Ramadan is coming to an end and I just broke my fast with an excellent meal of rice, beans, and salad. I want to catch you all up on my progress and jump right into my topic this entry.

A week ago I was faced with making a decision. After much deliberation I decided after being offered to join in on a trip to Florida for a week that I would go. The debate was in whether or not I would be able to maintain my fast while down there. A week later I'm proud to say that I only missed 2 days of fasting, both of which were due to my physical state of being and not a lack of discipline. On the flip side, the negative of my being on the trip was that my focus was almost completely ripped away from Ramadan minus the conscious physical fasting. I was prepared for this; and in the days following my last post and leading into my trip the intensity of my fast decreased as I had become more and more turned off by my apparent submission to religious law and practice...the very law and practice I turned away from those 5 years ago. The ritual in prayer has become redundant and obligatory and I'm not feeling as much as I did when I started...very often I wonder why am I still holding on, why am I even doing it anymore and at those moments I have to dig deep inside and push through with faith that there is a calling I'm answering to that perhaps I'm not aware of yet...

That does bring me to my topic of choice however; that topic being obligation or sincerity in religious practices and rituals such as prayer. In Islam you pray 5 times a day going through various cycles of standing, to kneeling, to sitting depending on the time of day. In Florida I went through the whole cycle one time and since being back I've resumed regular prayers. Lately however, I have found that while praying my mind begins to wander and I realized that I'm not praying with the same sincerity I did, that I'm more praying out of the muslim obligation in times and cycles...that when it gets time for my "personal" prayers THAT is when I feel the sincerity return. My question is should you pray out of sincerity ONLY or should you pray out of obligation...or perhaps maybe obligation trains your sincerity? Having dipped myself in the world of organized religion makes me remember how many governing rules to practicing there are...rules that aren't necessarily bad but rules that indeed can ( and often do) distract one from the real point of the religious experience or expression of spirituality. I will say that this Ramadan I "broke" a lot of muslim rules... and call me what you want but I'm cool with it. I went out to party when the sun went down, I laughed and cursed, I enjoyed myself but I set out that time and sacrificed that food for a reason and I know that reason and that's what is important. Some have suggested after hearing about this that I should never have started fasting in the first place or perhaps to acknowledge that what I was doing didn't fall into the category of "Ramadan" because I'm not following the rules as a muslim would. These 30 days have been my RAMADAN and I enjoyed the hardships, the confusion, the fasting, the stomach grumbling, the breaking of the fasts, the waking up before dawn to pray and eat and even though it was challenging at some moments more than others I am PROUD of what I've accomplished and what I've learned and hope to continue to learn.

5 more days...

Ramadan Day 10!! God vs God Conscious

Greetings!! I have an interesting topic to discuss that came to me over breakfast this morning but first let me update you on my progress!

1/3 of the way in and still going strong! Although I will say the last 5 days have been the toughest of the 10 in all, I haven't (intentionally) broken my fast by means of eating/drinking etc! I've had a few not so God-ly thoughts, I've slacked on a few prayers, and I've most certainly watched the clock for the "Food hour" but no matter how tempted or how bad I've felt I've remained true to the cause and have not broken my fast! To be honest, I've not really gotten much out of the last 5 days and that's simply because I haven't put much into it. I also feel that (though it's no excuse) the first 5 days were so overwhelming in terms of the progress I was making on intellectual/spiritual levels that perhaps a break was in order and thus my very relaxed, non eventful last 5 days...

Today however I woke up with the inspiration to discuss and distinguish between the word/title/being that is "GOD" vs a term I think is much more appropriate; that term being God Conscious. Now understandably, this may be quite the controversy among the religious population AND the non religious population but like I said "I" was inspired this morning to get this out to who ever would hear it...so here goes.

My whole life I was brought up to believe in, and worship a God who is 1; all powerful, all knowing. As a muslim we call him Allah, but I was taught that God is called by many names and given many titles but that he still is 1 ! You can imagine the confusion I felt as a child upon hearing of the many Egyptian/Greek God(s) and Goddess's, as well as the Gods of the Hindu religion, the Norse God's, and the different manifestations of God in African and other indigenous nature based religions. Up until recently I've considered all of those people who believed in many God's foolish. The people who believe in a power that was greater or even just different from what I believe in was just pure mythology and malarkey! I've gotten to a point in my life however where label's and passed judgement are not the ruling bodies for what I entertain and/or study in my own personal quest to understanding truth. That people can call on 1 God, Many God's, a male God, a female God, Jackal headed God's, and God's with multiple arms because as human beings we need to relate to something, someone in order for us to worship and account for the many things we don't understand...like creation...like death. *Furthermore, I'm finding that the God of the major monotheistic religions debatedly acknowledged that there exists other God's but demands his people's loyalty in that they only acknowledge, rely on, and worship him.

"You shall have no other gods before me." (First commandment) *

Regardless if the above is true or not, or if you believe in the possibility in the existence of other God's who are less powerful than YOUR God or not fact remains we all think "our" God is best AND we acknowledge that "our" God is real...

To be very honest, this Ramadan is agitating in me a lot of confusion about what I want to believe and what I actually DO believe as a result of all I've learned through indoctrination, experience, and personal study. I have been, and now am even more so turned off by the politics, JUDGEMENT, and bureaucracy of religion. I am even more frustrated that I am so confused and that this struggle exists...frustrated but grateful. And through this all I am not put off enough to deny the existence of Power that manifested through its will the creation and existence of the universe! With that being said, I do feel very strongly that pagans, polytheist, and monotheist can all agree that we acknowledge a power that willed us into existence and that that power is a GOD CONSCIOUS. None of us are entirely sure WHO or WHAT maintains that God Conscious...or if there's anything maintaining it at all but we know we come from something greater than ourselves which is why I feel God Conscious is such an appropriate term. That God Conscious can be so fluid, so flexible, so versatile in nature that it can be that Jackal, it can be that multi-armed figure, it can be the air, the earth, the trees, the fire...and most commonly it can be that great father who sent down the Torah, the Gospel, and the Qur'an. The best part about the God Conscious is that it lives inside each and every one of us. I may stand alone or I may be backed by many...but I believe in a God Conscious...not God's, not a God, not Goddess's, and not Nature...I believe we all play a very important and CONNECTED role in the divine consciousness that makes up our individual interpretations of GOD!

*debated topic

Ramadan: Day 5!!

Ramadan Mubarak! It's a common greeting among the muslim participants of the 30 day Sacred Holiday that means "A blessed Ramadan". So far, my Ramadan has been very involved and I'm going to explain what I mean by involved in a second...

Most of my life I've celebrated Ramadan being raised in a muslim household where it wasn't really an option to "opt out" on fasting. Eventually Ramadan developed it's own special meaning to me such that even given the option (which as a muslim you never really are) I would decline and fast anyway. One Ramadan I got so frustrated with my situation that I had a break down and through another's guidance I realized that I was fasting out of obligation and fear of consequence more so than a genuine desire to fast. I took a day off and came back to it the following day feeling more free, lighter, and more focused on the divine. That was also my last Ramadan and the end of my tenure as a "religious" practitioner.

I have since attempted (and failed) to practice Ramadan however without the right frame of mind, sense of obligation, and discipline it's nearly impossible to undertake such a huge sacrifice in denying yourself the pleasures of the physical world. I am however, a person who knows the value in self restraint and discipline and although not religious, could appreciate the act of fasting and thus felt called to once again take the month long sacrifice and get my head together.

Prior to starting this year's Ramadan I told a few people, "The hardest part of doing Ramadan won't be the not eating but will be my friends." I also stated that "the first 15 days will be the hardest due to the period of time I've not fasted...the first 15 days will be about gaining discipline." Following that logic I did not expect to feel, learn, question, or understand things until at least the second week. So you can imagine my surprise when the first day I had no trouble at all, the second day I began to question myself, the third and fourth days I became spiritually confused, and the fifth day I'm here with a sense of cool about it all. I expected Ramadan would make me more religious if anything and I'm finding it's more turning me away from religion, that it would make me feel God and I'm finding I'm learning a healthy fear of God (in terms of respect and power). To document everything to date that I'm dealing with and involved in spiritually would demand an entirely different post however one thing has become certain to me...if Ramadan has been THIS involved THIS early...I can only imagine how much MORE involved it can get by day 30!

Peace and blessings to you all!

Ramadan: My 30 day path to En-LIGHT-enment ! Day 1

Wooo!! It's been awhile since my last posting! There's a variety of factors that goes into that however the biggest one being my enjoying the summer and 21st birthday. (all smiles) As the summer comes to an end however it's time to begin to refocus and get things together mentally, emotionally, physically, and lastly but perhaps most importantly spiritually. That being said it's about 4:43 AM Monday morning, the 1st of August 2011. I'm up this early (yes early rather than late for those of you who are familiar with me actually going to bed around this time) because of a special time every year for Muslims called Ramadan. On another blog I maintain I stated that:

"In short, Ramadan is a muslim holiday that celebrates the gift of the qur’an to man given in 30 parts to the prophet Muhammad by the angel Gabriel. Ramadan encourages man to dig deep and exhibit the highest forms of discipline, respect, and love for his fellow man through good and kind deeds, patience, and charity. It also encourages a purging of negativity via thoughts, actions, and environment while moving to get closer to God. During Ramadan, muslims sacrifice and discipline themselves to arise before sun rise, pray and prepare for a long day testing faith and determination as one observing the holy time isn’t allowed to Eat, Drink, engage in Sex or other indulgent behaviors during day light hours for a period of 30 days. Intense prayer and reading are required during this time with a focus on God and strengthening the bond between the individual and the divine while focusing on the “higher self”. I’ve been raised in the Islamic faith and although I don’t claim to be a practicing muslim currently I will be observing this years Ramadan…it’s an occasion to purge yourself of the toxic this physical world provides on a physical mental and spiritual level…I will be blogging my progress. I will also at the same time be focusing on other aspects of spirituality and my personal connection to the divine. I wish you all nothing but light peace and happiness and know that I’m not here to preach to you just to share."

I think those statements about sum it all up! So I've set my alarm to wake me up at 4 AM in order to raise before the sun, drink a cup of coffee, pray, and prepare my long Summer day of praying, reading, and fasting. One of the most important things about successfully completing Ramadan I think is stating your intentions the night before. It's not easy to fast from food, sex, violence, vulgar, and the vices of this world...especially if you engage in them on a daily basis, but even if you do not and are simply surrounded by them. When you state that intent you coat yourself with a will to complete that maybe won't guard you against temptation but will provide you with barrier enough to acknowledge it as being temptation and to carry on successfully!

Now for the important part... why am I doing it?
Well there are a variety of reasons why I decided to observe Ramadan this year. Those who keep up with and know me know that I do not currently profess to observe any particular religious tradition; that my focus is more spiritual in nature. It's important to note however that I was raised in Islam, my HEART is in Islam and that the TRUE nature of the term Islam is submission (in what ever form that may come) to the will and power of the Almighty and Divine and that for as long as I may live regardless of what path I take I will always bare witness to the POWER and authority that is God through whatever name it's channeled! That being said no, I'm not doing it out of religious obligation but more out of personal preference; To close in on the relationship I have with the divine and the TRUE nature of the world. I'm doing it for the discipline, for the detox of negativity, for the clarity of thought, for the spiritual tuning, for the refocusing needed to continue on my spiritual path, in short I'm doing it all FOR ME! Today is day 1 of 30...I know the road won't be an easy one, but it's be a necessary one! I'll be blogging to update and document my progress...for those of you who made it through the entire post BLESS YOU! I appreciate your on going support and interest in what I have to say! Ramadan Mubarek and a very peaceful Ramadan to you!

-5:04 AM