Ramadan: Day 5!!

Ramadan Mubarak! It's a common greeting among the muslim participants of the 30 day Sacred Holiday that means "A blessed Ramadan". So far, my Ramadan has been very involved and I'm going to explain what I mean by involved in a second...

Most of my life I've celebrated Ramadan being raised in a muslim household where it wasn't really an option to "opt out" on fasting. Eventually Ramadan developed it's own special meaning to me such that even given the option (which as a muslim you never really are) I would decline and fast anyway. One Ramadan I got so frustrated with my situation that I had a break down and through another's guidance I realized that I was fasting out of obligation and fear of consequence more so than a genuine desire to fast. I took a day off and came back to it the following day feeling more free, lighter, and more focused on the divine. That was also my last Ramadan and the end of my tenure as a "religious" practitioner.

I have since attempted (and failed) to practice Ramadan however without the right frame of mind, sense of obligation, and discipline it's nearly impossible to undertake such a huge sacrifice in denying yourself the pleasures of the physical world. I am however, a person who knows the value in self restraint and discipline and although not religious, could appreciate the act of fasting and thus felt called to once again take the month long sacrifice and get my head together.

Prior to starting this year's Ramadan I told a few people, "The hardest part of doing Ramadan won't be the not eating but will be my friends." I also stated that "the first 15 days will be the hardest due to the period of time I've not fasted...the first 15 days will be about gaining discipline." Following that logic I did not expect to feel, learn, question, or understand things until at least the second week. So you can imagine my surprise when the first day I had no trouble at all, the second day I began to question myself, the third and fourth days I became spiritually confused, and the fifth day I'm here with a sense of cool about it all. I expected Ramadan would make me more religious if anything and I'm finding it's more turning me away from religion, that it would make me feel God and I'm finding I'm learning a healthy fear of God (in terms of respect and power). To document everything to date that I'm dealing with and involved in spiritually would demand an entirely different post however one thing has become certain to me...if Ramadan has been THIS involved THIS early...I can only imagine how much MORE involved it can get by day 30!

Peace and blessings to you all!